Once there was a duck I knew
When I was less than three.
She’d gobble food I couldn’t chew
Though it was meant for me.
Perched up upon my highest chair
My sectioned bunny plate
Had carrots, peas and chops to share
So that was what she ate.
She never said a “THANKS FOR THAT”
Or “WOULD YOU PASS THE SAUCE?”
(It’s hard to have a little chat
While gobbling up, of course!)
This feathered friend (called Louie)
Gulped all things she was snuck,
Not just my bits too chewy,
Ate even Peking Duck!
Her manners were appalling
(I only know that now),
She’d never come on calling,
Come DINNER TIME though, WOW!
That duck was such an eater
We had to call a truce.
My Granny said “JUST TREAT HER
LIKE ANY NUISANCE GOOSE”
“She’s got to wait POLITELY
Til YOU are properly fed”
Then added in, quite brightly,
Could YOU eat it ALL, instead?”
Thus Louie’s lunches ended,
‘Twas back to worm and frog,
So then I just upended
My plate for Barney Dog.
Brown bread crusts are yucky
And so are gristly meats.
The little pooch got lucky
And woofed his sneaky treats.
He really liked my pasta,
Chomped radish up on sight,
Got porridge down much faster
And chicken in one bite.
Some foods are not delicious
And even dogs won’t eat
So Granny got suspicious
When squashings stuck to feet.
But Grannies of the kinder sort
Will turn a blindish eye.
They know it is a childhood sport
To feed dogs pumpkin pie.
They wouldn’t think it wicked
To give the dog your plate,
Its fun to watch him lick it
And sharing’s really great.
So……
When your Granny fills your cup
With horrid spicy noodles,
It’s quite OK to tip it up
And feed it to her POODLES!
2006
THE CRYPTIC LIMPET 